January 4, 1964—Have been keeping a rather clinical watch over my reactions to this big change in circumstances, and think I’ve found out some things about my psychic make-up that may be of use to us in our married life; so, I’m reporting them here.
First, I felt simply terrible when the news was broken that Elder Gates was coming in and that I would therefore definitely be leaving the Home. I loved the Home, the Staff, my job, Paris, and all things associated therewith, and it was most difficult to envisage the prospect of being forcibly separated from them. And now, as I am on the very point of leaving, [263] my attitude is nearly the same in all respects but one: I am still certain that I’ll miss the Home, the Hinckleys, the Staff, and Paris, but my feelings toward the job I’m leaving have changed drastically, and it is this transformation that seems to be pregnant with meaning.
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